Hiccups
by Kalow
Summary: Tatsuki gets the hiccups and they’re driving her nuts. Her friends Orihime, Chizuru, Mahana, and Michiru try to help her cure them, but end up just making Tatsuki’s situation much, much worse. Oneshot.


_Summary_: Tatsuki gets the hiccups and they're driving her nuts. Orihime, Chizuru, Mahana, and Michiru try to help her cure them, but end up just making Tatsuki's situation much, much worse.

_Characters_: Tatsuki Arisawa, Orihime Inoue, Chizuru Honsho, Michiru Ogawa, and Mahana Natsui.

_Genre_: Humor/Friendship

* * *

Hiccups

"Where is she? Didn't she say she would be coming?" Mahana said impatiently.

"I'm sure she'll be here soon," Orihime said, "Just give her some more time."

"It's already been quite a while. Maybe she's not coming," Michiru said.

"If she doesn't arrive soon, we'll have to go on without her," Chizuru said, "Not that I mind. That just means that I'm closer to my sweet Hime!"

"We can't leave without her! Just wait, she'll come eventually," Orihime said.

Orihime, Mahana, Chizuru, and Michiru waited in the park where they had planned to meet up before going to the mall. Tatsuki was not present however, despite it being fifteen minutes past the time they had agreed to meet. They weren't sure where she was, and didn't want to go on without her.

"Okay, we've waited long enough," Mahana said, "We're just going to have to go on without her."

"Hey *hic* wait up *hic* a minute!"

Everyone turned to see Tatsuki running up behind them, a stressed out look on her face.

"Tatsuki! I knew you'd come!" Orihime said joyfully.

"What kept you?" Mahana asked.

"I'm *hic* sorry guys," Tatsuki gasped, "I got *hic* these hiccups and I was late while *hic* trying to get rid of them."

"Oh, that's horrible," Orihime said.

"Yeah, that's too bad. Well, let's go to the mall then!" Mahana said, ready to go.

"We can't just go to the mall while our friend is in a state like this!" Orihime said, "We have to cure her first!"

"That's okay *hic* Orihime, they're just hiccups. I'll be *hic* fine," Tatsuki said reassuringly between hiccups. Orihime paid no attention to this however.

"No, we must cure her! We can't do anything else until we do! Follow me, we'll take her to my house and cure her!" she said before running off to her house. Her friends were all rolling their eyes, but felt obligated to follow after her.

---

"Okay, so we need to find a cure for your hiccups," Orihime said firmly, "Does anyone know how to cure hiccups."

"Seriously *hic* Orihime, it's no big deal, they'll go away on their own eventually," Tatsuki said, "They're just *hic* a nuisance."

"Quiet Tatsuki, don't waste your strength," Orihime said, "Don't worry, we'll cure you! We won't let a friend suffer!"

"Um…I think you're supposed to drink water to cure hiccups," Michiru said. Orihime clapped her hands together and grinned.

"You see? We're already making progress!" she said. She hurriedly ran off to the kitchen, returning moments later with a glass of water, handing it to Tatsuki. Sighing, Tatsuki leaned her head back and quickly gulped down the glass of water. There was silence for a moment.

"Did it work?" Michiru asked. Tatsuki looked like she might say yes, it did work, but then gave another hiccup. Everyone present sighed.

"Okay, what else are you supposed to do?" Orihime asked.

"Aren't you supposed to hold your breath when you get the hiccups?"

"Yeah! That's it! Try that Tatsuki!"

Tatsuki took a deep breath and held it. The other girls watched anxiously as she held her breath. Tatsuki held it in until she was red in the face, finally letting it out and taking in deep lungfulls of air.

"How did it work this time? Are you cured?" Orihime asked.

"I *hic* don't think so…" Tatsuki said tiredly, "Can we just *hic* go? They'll go away *hic* eventually."

"No, we cannot let a friend suffer!" Orihime said firmly, "Michiru, go get another glass of water for Tatsuki, I'm going to check on the internet for cures!"

Michiru ran off to fetch a glass of water while Orihime went to her computer. Upon returning, Michiru handed the glass of water to Tatsuki.

"Try drinking from the far side of the glass," Mahana suggested.

"How *hic* am I supposed to do that?" Tatsuki said.

"You have to bend over while you're doing it," Mahana said.

"You mean *hic* like thi-" Tatsuki was interrupted as the glass of water spilled all over her face when she bent over. Mahana burst into laughter, and Tatsuki glared at her.

"Oh come on, you should have seen that coming a mile away!" Mahana laughed.

"Funny you should *hic* mention that, because you seem not to see a beating coming at you just a few *hic* feet away…" Tatsuki growled.

"Quiet you guys, I'm trying to look up a cure for Tatsuki!" Orihime said from her computer.

"Orihime *hic* please, just *hic* forget it!" Tatsuki said. Orihime turned around and gave her a serious look.

"Tatsuki, do you like the hiccups?" she asked.

"Of course *hic* not! They're *hic* irritating as *hic* hell!" Tatsuki responded.

"Well we're going to help you. We will not let a friend suffer!" Orihime said, "Now be quiet and listen. According to Doctor Wik E. Pedia, a hiccup is a spasmodic contraction of the diaphragm. The rush of air into the lungs causes the epiglottis to close, creating the 'hic' sound."

"What *hic* does that mean?" Tatsuki said, starting to get frustrated both by the hiccups and her friend's attempts to cure her.

"I dunno," Orihime replied, "But according to this, medical treatments include sedative drugs that render you unconscious, intranasal vinegar, which I assume means pouring vinegar down your nose, and digital rectal massages. Do those sound good?"

"No, no, and *hic* _hell_ no!" Tatsuki said, "I'm not doing any of those things*hic*!"

"Okay, I guess I can look up some home remedies then, just give me a minute to Google it…" Orihime said. There was silence for a minute, the only sound being Tatsuki's hiccups.

"So Tatsuki, how long have you had those?" Chizuru asked.

"About *hic* forty-five minutes," Tatsuki answered.

"Wow, that's a long time!" Mahana said, "The longest I've ever had them was like, ten minutes!"

"Hey!" Orihime suddenly exclaimed.

"You found something?" Michiru asked.

"Yeah! There's this guy in Australia who's had the hiccups for thirty years! They even have an interview with him, watch!"

"_*HIC* Please… *HIC* kill…*HIC* me…"_

"Well would you look at that! Don't funny things happen in this world?" Orihime said in amazement.

"Ori*hic*hime!!!" Tatsuki said, now highly distressed.

"Don't worry, we'll find a cure for you! Here's a list of remedies that are supposed to work: anise seed, vinegar, baking soda, chamomile oil, camphor, honey, lemon, salt, red pepper, sugar, pineapple juice, and cream of tartar! I have almost all of those things! Just a minute, let me go get them!" Orihime ran off to the kitchen.

The next several minutes, they heard thuds, clunks, and bangs as Orihime apparently retrieved the various ingredients. She ran out minutes later with two separate containers.

"Okay, so here's how it's going to work," she said, "I mixed together the dry ingredients in one cup and the liquid ingredients in the other. The different ingredients are supposed to be used in different ways, but when mixed together, they'll probably be even better than usual! First, I want you to stick your tongue out and breathe through your mouth until your tongue is dry. Then I'm going to put the dry ingredients on your tongue, and then I'll pour in the liquid ingredients. Keep them there for a moment before swallowing."

Tatsuki was getting tired, but she complied nevertheless, sticking out her tongue to dry out. When it was dry, Orihime put the dry ingredients on. Tatsuki nearly gagged, particularly as some of the ingredients were spicy or otherwise unpleasant. Then, Orihime poured the liquid mixture into her mouth.

Almost as soon as she did so, a foamy fizz erupted from Tatsuki's mouth. All of the girls present screamed and jumped back.

"Orihime! You gave her rabies!" Michiru shrieked.

"No, it must be the baking soda and vinegar! When you mix them, they…oh wow!" Mahana exclaimed. Tatsuki was trying to spit out all of the foam, gasping for breath. When the foaming had finally stopped, they all were quiet for a moment. The silence, was interrupted when Tatsuki hiccupped again, causing everyone to groan.

"Maybe we should just stop trying," Michiru said.

"No," Tatsuki said, followed by another hiccup.

"But you were the one who said to just let it run its course in the first place!"

"I *hic* know!" Tatsuki said, "But I'm *hic* so sick of these hiccups! I'll do *hic* anything to stop them!"

Chizuru's face suddenly lit up.

"Anything?"

"Yes, *hic* anything!" Tatsuki said.

"Well I've heard that a kiss makes the hiccups go away…" Chizuru said.

"Shut *hic* up," Tatsuki growled.

"No really, I swear, it really works!" Chizuru said insistently. Tatsuki glared at her for a moment before sighing.

"Fine, I'm willing to try anything at this point. But know this: if you're lying, you can expect a beating of epic proportions!"

"I'm not lying, it's true!" Chizuru said, running over to Tatsuki.

The others watched as she leaned in and kissed Tatsuki. Tatsuki pulled away moments later, spitting and cursing.

"Did you have to throw your tongue in?" she growled.

"It's part of the technique. Besides, it worked, didn't it?" Chizuru said triumphantly.

"Hey, you're right! Tatsuki isn't hiccupping anymore!" Orihime said, "It did work!"

"Well…I guess you were right," Tatsuki grudgingly admitted, "I suppose I should say than- *hic*"

All eyes turned back to Chizuru. Tatsuki was shaking in rage.

"Um, I forgot to mention that my technique is only a temporary solution and won't last more than a few sec-"

"You're *hic* dead you damned pervert!" Tatsuki roared, tackling Chizuru and proceeded to put all of her martial arts skills to use.

"Worth it!" Chizuru shouted as Tatsuki attacked her in a rage.

Tatsuki didn't stop until she was too out of breath to continue. She sat down in a chair, breathing heavily and still hiccupping. Chizuru rose up, a goofy smile on her face.

"So now what?" Michiru asked, "We've tried everything!"

"We haven't tried scaring her," Chizuru suggested.

"Good idea!" Mahana said, "Tatsuki, did you hear the story about the headless bank manager? He waits until you run out of money, and then, when you go to the bank at night to make a withdrawal…he gets you!"

"You're not *hic* going to scare me with something so *hic* lame!" Tatsuki said.

"Yeah I guess you're ri- OH MY GOD THERE'S A BIG MONSTER BEHIND YOU!" Chizuru said.

"Yeah…you're not *hic* helping," Tatsuki grumbled.

"Um…boo?" Michiru said. Tatsuki merely shook her head at this. They were quiet for a moment, when Orihime suddenly jumped up excitedly.

"Ooh! I know!" she exclaimed, "Tatsuki, if you hiccup again, I'm going to slit your throat and throw your body into a furnace!"

Everybody present stared at her in shock, their mouths hanging open. Orihime smiled expectantly at them.

"So are you scared yet?" she asked innocently. Everyone was completely quiet, too shocked to say a word. Tatsuki opened her mouth as if she were about to speak a few times, but remained silent. The joyful look on Orihime's face faltered.

"So I didn't scare you?" she said disappointedly.

"N-no Orihime, that's not it!" Tatsuki finally said, trying to reassure her friend, "You were very scary, just…not in the way we were thinking of."

"Hey!" Orihime exclaimed, suddenly brightening up again, "You didn't hiccup!" Tatsuki blinked in surprise, realizing that it was true, she hadn't hiccupped since Orihime spoke.

"You…you're right! I'm not! I'm cured!" she said excitedly, "I don't have the hiccups anymore!"

"This is fantastic!" Mahana said, "Now we can go to the-*hic*" She clapped her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide in horror. Chizuru laughed.

"Ha! Now you've got the-*hic*" Chizuru stopped talking, a look of shock on her face.

"What's going *hic* on?" Michiru said, a note of panic in her voice.

"We must have *hic* caught Tatsuki's *hic* hiccups!" Orihime said.

"You can't *hic* catch hiccups!" Mahana said.

"What *hic* other explanation *hic* is there?" Michiru said.

"Now we're *hic* never going to get to the mall!" Mahana wailed.

"Don't *hic* worry, guys! I'll cure *hic* all of us!" Orihime said brightly. Looks of horror crossed the faces of Mahana, Michiru, and Chizuru. Tatsuki on the other hand was laughing.

"Well, have fun! I think I'll go home now!" she chuckled, "Oh, and Orihime, remember to use _all_ of the techniques you tried on me when you cure them!"

"Okie-dokie Tatsuki! I'll make sure we're *hic* cured in no time!"

* * *


End file.
